Welfare-Washing Gone Wild: SE-WAT Promises Change (But Not Too Much, Don’t Worry)

In yet another dazzling display of strategic fence-sitting, the Global Equestrian Federation (GEF) has unveiled SE-WAT – Strategic Equine Welfare Action & Transparency. This revolutionary initiative aims to reassure sponsors, pacify activists, and generate approximately 500 PowerPoint slides of “meaningful” discussion—while ensuring that absolutely nothing changes in a way that might inconvenience top riders.

“Our commitment to horse welfare has never been stronger,” declared a GEF spokesperson, while standing next to a perfectly groomed horse who had signed a strict non-disclosure agreement. “SE-WAT will prove that we are taking bold action to protect equine athletes—without disrupting anyone’s chances of winning medals, of course.”

A Bold Plan for Change (That Won’t Upset Anyone Important)

The SEWAT strategy includes:

✅ Commissioning studies to tell us what we already know

✅ Holding lengthy discussions that result in “further discussion”

✅ Creating educational campaigns with lots of really serious-looking stock photos of horses

✅ Encouraging riders to “be mindful” of welfare—without actually enforcing anything inconvenient

“This is exactly the kind of change we need,” said Maximilian ‘Max’ Van Dijk, a top showjumper who is deeply committed to welfare (as long as it doesn’t affect performance). “SE-WAT allows us to say we care while ensuring we can keep doing everything exactly as we always have. It’s genius, really.”

Not everyone shares Max’s enthusiasm.

“Welfare is NOT a branding exercise,” fumed equestrian influencer Luna Skye, adjusting her bitless bridle for an Instagram live rant. “If the GEF actually cared, they’d ban spurs, bits, nosebands, saddles, and possibly the entire concept of competitive riding. Instead, they’re just slapping a fancy acronym on the same old system!”

The GEF’s Impossible Balancing Act

The GEF finds itself caught between two conflicting forces: riders who want minimal restrictions and sponsors who want maximum PR cover. Meanwhile, the general public, largely unaware that dressage is not, in fact, horse yoga, remains ready to get outraged at a moment’s notice.

“It’s a tricky situation,” admitted a GEF insider. “On one hand, if we tighten welfare rules too much, riders will threaten to boycott. On the other, if we don’t pretend to care, sponsors will start pulling out. SE-WAT is our best chance to convince everyone we’re ‘doing something’ while actually just buying ourselves another year of committee meetings.”

Legendary Australian coach Bruce ‘Bruiser’ Callaghan had his own take on SEWAT: “Look, if people just learned to bloody well ride, we wouldn’t need welfare action plans. Back in my day, you used spurs properly or you got bucked off. Simple. No acronyms required.”

For now, SE-WAT will continue its noble mission of making welfare look incredibly important without making it too inconveniently real. Riders keep riding, sponsors keep paying, and the horses—well, the horses don’t get a vote, do they?